Today, we got a call for a baby girl through the foster care system. We were told it would turn into an adoptive placement. All day, we spent preparing for her arrival. They even told me where the baby was staying, where to pick her up, all we were waiting for was the okay from the judge.
Except... there was no okay from the judge. The baby still will not be going back to mom and she will be placed up for adoption, but the judge said that the case was not technically part of his jurisdiction and sent it to a different county.
This is yet another disappointment to many.
My cool, calm, and collected husband said, "Will we ever get a break?"
I wondered is it time to give up? That was just the exhaustion talking. The part of me that is tired of getting excited, then having my hopes dashed drastically.
But that's life.
Several people I talked to, told me, "Your turn will come." I dread and hate these words. The truth is, when we were trying to get pregnant, we told no one we were trying for the first year, then I started sharing with people because we went from not not trying to actively trying. These were the words they used then.
So yet again, I hear them, but in a different context. It was never my turn back then, so whose to say my turn will come?
Truth is, I'm happy with just one child. I would love and truly hope to have another, but what if my turn is not supposed to come? What if for some reason, I am not meant to have any more children? What if our family is complete?
There are only so many times you can go through the ups and downs before you decide you want to get off the roller coaster. But just like a roller coaster, you have to get off when you're supposed to. So if I try to jump off too soon, I will be thrown violently to the ground in a bloody heap and most likely die.
Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic.
But something that occurred to me is that on a roller coaster, you never get off right when it goes swirling down or swirling up for that time. Instead, the roller coaster slows to a halt. Then proceeds forward. Then halts again. Pauses, then releases. I think that's how life is too. I'll know when to stop, when there are no more ups and downs. When everything halts. Because if I stop because everything came crashing down, then I might be missing out on a really awesome uphill.
I realized, I will know when it's time to stop, because nothing will be happening. I can't quit, just because I had a bad day. And let's be honest today sucked stunk.
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.