Today, I do not feel like a mother of one and counting, I feel like a mother of one. This is a good thing because I am blessed. I know this, but it fills me with a sense of sadness and grief. I would like to say this is due to my utter contentment and my acceptance of my fate, but that's not true today.
Some days I could say the first sentence and mean something completely different, such as I'm content with life. I love every aspect of it! That's the funny part about life is our moods change from day to day.
I know tomorrow I will not feel as I do today. So on days where living a godly wholesome life is just plain hard, and having pure thoughts, contentment, and peace seems impossible, I remind myself that this too shall pass.
So yeah, today is a frustrating day.
Some of it has to do with the foster baby we didn't get and some of it has to do with my not so good experience with the in vitro facility and some of it has to do with hormones and some due to lack of faith in God and then some of it is because I am human and was not born with a perfect flawless nature. I am made flawed and am prone to fits of anger, sadness, greed, selfishness, pride, and all the negative emotions we all wish we didn't have. But we do.
You can give me advice, but it's not anything I haven't told myself. You can say cheerful words of praise, but they will probably fall on deaf ears. Where it lies most is in the heart, my heart. When my heart sings praises, I will be thinking clearly, but just as God has done, I need to give myself grace on days like today.
No, I don't like myself today, but tomorrow is a new day. Heck, I am entering a new hour. This hour can be different than the last. I have to choose, dwell on the past or hold my head high and look to the future. The past hour I chose the first path, this hour I will choose the latter. It's a choice, one I shouldn't make lightly.
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.