One of the hardest parts of adoption is the senseless things people will say, as well as hearing negative testimonies of adult adoptees. One of the most common things adult adopted children will say is, "I was my parents second choice, their first was to have a child naturally."
I think for me this is so hard to hear, because I can see where they would feel that way, but there are so many things wrong with this way of thinking.
First off, just because adoption was a person's second option, never makes that child second best in the mind of the adopted parent. For me and my husband, our reasons for wanting a child naturally had nothing to do with the child themselves. We don't care whether the child has my red hair, his blue eyes, my curly hair, his athleticism. We wanted a child that we could grow old with. That we will be able to teach, to love, to be there at their milestones when they are an adult. We want to be called Mommy and Daddy, and someday even Grandma and Grandpa. We want to be parents to a child who is our own, and no our own does not mean biologically ours, it means a child who God has entrusted us to raise.
Second thing that is very wrong with this way of thinking is, I thank God for not always getting my first choice. If I would have gotten my choice with a husband, heck if I would have gotten my second, third, fourth, and who knows how many, I would never be as happy and loved as I am today. My husband is amazing. I would not be the person I am without him. If I had married some of those boys I thought were amazing, I would have been married to alcoholics, drug addicts, hot-tempered men, and men who cheat. So as the great song goes, "Thank God for unanswered prayers."
The same goes for my house. I have my dream house, and I didn't pay as much as it is worth. My first choice did not have a big back yard, five bedrooms, my wonderful neighbors, a barn, etc. I have all those things and I could not be happier.
I truly feel that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I have no idea why God would allow such a thing, like a suicide, a baby's death, a heart attack, but he has reasons we will never understand about pain and suffering. Bottom line, we have to accept by faith and trust God that He has a plan for us, even during the hard times.
My first choice was to give birth, not because that's what I wanted, but because it seemed like the easy way. You have sex, you get pregnant, you have a baby. Easy... well, not so much for all of us. Second option, in vitro, but there were many reasons we chose not to take that route. My third choice was foster care cheapest, but God chose not that option. The fourth option was the most expensive and appeared to be the hardest way. A child brought to me in this way will not be fourth best, third best, second best, they will be first best. Because God knows something we don't, and that's our future.
The great part about doing adoption through domestic infant adoption is the ability to connect with the birth mother. This excites me. If you know me, I love loving people. I love getting to know people. Family to me is those I love: parents, brothers, sisters, friends... To be able to give my child yet another person who loves them unconditionally like a birth mom who chose an adoption plan for them and chose us, that is a great gift that only a birth mom can give. I would love to give back to that mom by allowing them to be a part of my child's life.
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.