We are starting the in vitro process in a week. I know I said we were bumping it back, well, let's just say that lasted a millisecond. It took us about as long as it took me to write that post before we decided to rearrange our schedule and stay on schedule.
On Monday, I will be going to my annual I-Hate-Being-a-Woman appointment. I know, I just got done writing a post about how I love being a woman, but I am a woman, and we are known for our fickleness. Realistically, I only hate being a woman once a year. Well, actually, once a month. I guess technically that makes thirteen times a year that I hate being a woman, but who's keeping track, anyway!
So, yes, the annual exam where I will see my OBGYN, he'll do the exam, give me his okay, and we'll be happy. There is absolutely no reason he would not give his okay. When I called, his nurse stated that I was overdue for my annual exam. Apparently annual means every twelve months, not twenty-three months.
Thursday, we then will see the IVF nurse. She will give us the medicine prescriptions, tell me when I'm supposed to take it, when I'm supposed to get blood work, when I have the retrieval (thank goodness they put you out for this), and when they place the embryo in (they do not put you out for this... Ouch!).
So it begins.... I am told it will go very fast after this appointment, but I don't foresee that being the case. Idealistically, I will be pregnant in June or extremely depressed in June. Either case, I have a feeling there will be a lot of tears. One week, and it all begins.
Before I give you my reasons, I have a confession to make. You know how I have often said, I don't want to be pregnant, I've never really wanted to be pregnant. Well, that's a lie.
When I was in my teens, I often daydreamed about becoming pregnant and being a mommy. Other teenagers were daydreaming of falling in love, becoming a famous basketball player, and then there was me.
So, yes, a long time ago, I did in fact WANT to be pregnant.
Things shifted dramatically when I was twenty. My illness got severe, and it almost took my life. I would have eight more surgeries in the next eight years.
It was at that time, I began to shift from, I can't wait to be pregnant and have a baby to I hope we just adopt all our babies. We were lucky enough to adopt one. Although my baby was five when she came to us. .
I am starting a new Beth Moore bible study. Man, I love Beth Moore! She is so real. I love that she very animatedly admits her flaws and shortcomings. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone. It always surprises me when she mentions her own insecurity. I can't help but think, what does this women have to be insecure about?!? She is beautiful, outgoing, and has a fun-loving personality. But just that single admission, is probably what makes her so lovable.
This bible study is about Ester and why it can be tough being a woman.
I have to admit, I love everything about being a woman, and wonder what this study will teach me. In fact, the only benefit to being a man that I can think of is that they can pee standing up. Well, that and they don't deal with the ups and downs of hormones. Then of course what comes along with those hormones. It would be nice to forgo all of that. Oh yes, and then having to deal with the drama other women stir up. Men are generally easier to work with. (I say generally, not a rule.) Then I hear child birth is painful and pregnancy is annoying. Actually come to think of it, maybe there are more benefits to being a man than I thought.
In three or four months (it might have gotten pushed back a month) we will be doing in vitro. I have been talking with a friend about her own experience with that journey. How, when you have come to a certain point, you kind of expect them to call and say no. Any other answer, just seems wrong. Her final attempt, she became pregnant.
My LASIK eye surgery did not go as planned. I will blog about that after I've decided for sure that I'm happy with the results. This was a huge reminder to me that things for me usually don't go as planned.
I'm not saying this as a self-pity thing, but as the truth. Whether things turn out good or bad, they never go as planned.
Last year, I had a really really really big cyst. It was 10 cm.
I was obviously uncomfortable, as anyone would be with a fluid filled sack the size of an orange in their abdomen.
Then it burst, which feels similar to someone cutting out your innards and burning them on fire while they are still connected to your body. In other words, it was excruciating pain.
Fortunately, Dr. Daly (world's greatest doctor) was still practicing, so I called him up and talked to him (not his nurse, which is why I love him), explained what was going on. He scheduled a surgery, he went in, drained it, and I was back to my old self within twenty four hours.
The shocker though, was learning that it was not an ovarian cyst. Apparently, it was a pseudocyst (Pseudocysts are basically cysts that are a build up of fluid most frequently as a result of an old surgery. Fun!). He actually believes I have never had a large ovarian cyst.
October 5, 2001
Don't take life so seriously. It doesn't really matter if you get an A on those exams. 13 years from now, you won't be using that degree you're working for anyway, actually you won't even finish this school year, let alone the degree!
Shoot, I probably shouldn't have told you that.
Okay, okay, I know you are probably flipping out about the whole not finishing school this year. No, you are not kicked out or failed out, but you did totally wasted four hours of your life mapping out every exam and all your future classes you'll ever take. You won't be taking them. In fact, those exams later today, you might as well save yourself the headache and skip them. Not a single one will matter tomorrow, because, well, you'll be going into the hospital. See, you know that disease you have, the one that Kevin and Erica keep harping on you to take care of, well, let's just say, since you chose not to take care of it, it took care of you.
In my early twenties, I took a job, knowing I was not going to keep it. I had decided very early on, that as soon as I had found another job, I would quit that one and do the other. Unfortunately, there was a no compete clause. Well, I found a job, but it was because of the first one and was in fact in competition for the first. Being young and inexperienced, I was baffled why my employer and friend wouldn't let me break a signed contract. From my perspective, she knew I was only working temporarily, she knew this other job was a better fit for me. From her perspective, I made a legal agreement. She did let me break the contract, although there were hard feelings. At the time I was confused why she was upset. I look back now with more experience, without the influence I had from others, and I realize, I was in the wrong. The funny thing is, that is how all conflicts occur. Two people perceive things very differently.
I've come to the realization that I cannot always lean on my own understanding. I often seek advice from a highly respectable person, keeping in mind, it is also just another perspective and eventually turn to God (I know it should be the other way around, but I'm a flawed Christian). Fortunately, seeing others' perspectives has become easier, and I often see why they or myself are misguided. Our perspective is tainted by beliefs, experience, prejudices, fears, and lies.
First, I would like to thank Kerri, a long-time friend, for giving me her time and some insight into her busy life. We met back in high school and reconnected over Facebook. After reading her blog (http://mommof4cutiez.com), I realized we had a lot more in common than I remembered. In her blog, she writes about everything from product reviews, her son’s autism, the prejudices she faces being a biracial family, and homeschooling. We cover most these topics in our interview!
Thanks so much for being my first mommy blogger interview! First off, since you are a mama, I have to ask, how many kids do you have? Is there a husband?
Many well-meaning people, have said many well-meaning things in order to encourage me in my infertility walk. Unfortunately, they are generally lies and can be unintentionally hurtful. I have been told each and every one of these lies. I know the speakers would feel horrible if they knew they had hurt me at the time, because most of them said it in order to give me hope.
As an infertile woman, I still hear these things being said. I am pointing them out now in order to educate people, because I am finally at a place where these no longer hurt me like they used to.
In my life I have attempted to accomplish many goals. I have accomplished approximately, 0.1 percent of them. Though despite my great failings, there are many things I am proud of. Here is my top ten list in no particular order.
1. I adopted my daughter.
Although I can only say this is an achievement as much as a mother can say she found success in giving birth to her child, but this was one of my biggest blessings and I am quite proud of it. I am so thankful and happy and wish everyone could understand how great a love you can have for someone else, like you do for a daughter.
2. I have never been drunk... As in never, ever, not once.
I do not have a problem with alcohol, I do not have any moral objections to having an occasional beer, margarita, glass of wine. Yet, for most my life, I assumed if I ever got drunk, I might stay that way. So I decided to abstain completely.
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.