Okay, so my parenting philosophy is, "Does it truly matter?" As in does it matter that she is skipping in the grocery store as long as she's not running into other people and listening when I speak? Or does it matter that she is covered in mud, after all, she is outside wearing play clothes? On the other hand, does it matter that she sasses me? Or does it matter that she refuses to listen, just because she doesn't want to?
This parenting philosophy has really opened my eyes to what truly matters. As much as I love kids, kids are naturally loud, they are rambunctious, they are curious, but you got to let kids be kids. Only waste your breath and your energy on the problems that really matter in the grand scheme of things. Is this child going to be a better adult as a result of making her stop doing this? If the answer is no, then it's probably not worth arguing.
But that's my philosophy, not my husband's philosophy. His philosophy, on the other hand, is to treat ridiculousness with ridiculousness. So when we got our Wii, I made my Mii, and named her Mom. Little Miss named hers with my first name. This annoyed the heck out of me, but I asked myself, does it matter? No, blow it off. Right? I should be flattered she wanted to be me. Right? So why did it annoy me? But I just ignored this and continued to chant in my head the mantra I call my philosophy.
My husband after a couple months decided this was a little ridiculous, and decided to treat it with ridiculousness as he has found so often worked before. So less than a week ago, he changed my mii's character to her first name. This, of course, made me giggle, and so did Little Miss.
Just as he treated this with ridiculousness, he has treated other ridiculous behavior with its equal level of ridiculousness. For example, when she first moved in with us (she's adopted) she would say her stomach hurt whenever she didn't like what we were eating. So after a few weeks of this, my husband goes, "Oh your stomach hurts? You better go to bed." He grabbed a bucket, in case she got sick. Picked her up, tucked her in, and told her she couldn't listen to music, read, or anything because he wanted her to get to sleep soon so she would feel better soon since we had fun plans the next day. Within five minutes she came out, told us she felt better and finished her meal without a single complaint.
I was in awe of how well this worked, along with many of his other parenting techniques that follow this same philosophy proved with the same success. No arguments, no hassle, behavior changed, appropriate response happened, and she did as we expected.
So earlier this week when he changed my mii's name, I was curious if this tactic would actually work. Today when Little Miss turned on the Wii, she said, "Mama, I don't want you to be me anymore, can I change your name back?" I retorted, "but your name is mine, why can't I be you?" She goes, "Well, I am going to change mine back to my name too." So voila! My husband's simple act of treating ridiculousness with ridiculousness has succeeded again.
Okay, maybe it didn't really matter, and she isn't going to be a better adult because she changed her name on Wii, but I absolutely adore how my husband has a natural knack for solving the big and small parenting setbacks whether they be insignificant annoyances to bigger issues that need to change.
Adoption is hard. Very hard actually. There are so many things you must decide, domestic/international, younger/older, sibling group/single child, and they don't want you putting your hands in more than one pot. Once you have decided on a venue, you must keep your eyes there. We chose foster care, so it seems to means that all the other doors are now shut.
We could close our license and do an adoption home study, but then we would not be placed with children through the foster care, and if I'm honest, that is where MY heart truly lies. I want to build my family and I'm only getting older by the minute, but building a family through the foster care system comes with a lot of goodbyes and happens slowly with many heartbreaks along the way.
Don't get me wrong, a lot of blessings as well. We are saying goodbye to our sweet foster daughter after caring for her the better part of six months and I have to admit my heart sings. Not because I'm relieved to say goodbye, but because she gets to go home to her very good mommy and I truly feel that's how it should be. In this case anyway. It looks as though we may be able to be a continuing presence in her life, but I'm not going to put my hope there, as I don't want it to be crushed.
I have to admit, my mind wanders back to in vitro. We can pursue that route all while keeping our license open. Neither is a for sure thing, but no option truly is. We are parents to a wonderful girl, but I'd love for her to have siblings, I would love to have tons and tons of grand-babies when I get old, I'd love to have a household of children. I'm greedy I guess.
So here I am, a week from saying goodbye to our latest foster baby, and I realize I am at a crossroads. Perfect time to close the license and pursue another option, we are financially okay to do that, but I/we don't feel like that is the track we should take. We could do in vitro, but do I really want to bring another child into this world when there are thousands who would love to live in a loving home? Well, in case anyone cares, we made an appointment with a new doctor for in vitro since our latest doctor had to close his practice just one month shy of when we were going to begin doing in vitro the last time. Both of us are unsure if we will proceed. I am praying that God gives us a for sure answer when we meet with the new doctor.
Where will the Lord lead us?
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.