Sometime last year, Kevin and I made one of the most difficult decisions we have had to make as parents. How are we going to educate our child? I had a hundred and one reasons why I wanted us to consider homeschooling, my husband had reservations. Well, that's a slight exaggeration, he actually was adamantly against it, I believe he may have used the word "never,' as in our daughter will NEVER be homeschooled. Yet, despite his stance, I knew I wanted something different for our child than where she currently was.
It wasn't that we are in a bad school district, we are in a great school district. The teachers are great, kids do well academically. Little Miss was excelling at her studies and had a lot of great peer relationships.
I'm also not anti-public school. I think its a great option! I just didn't know if it was the best option for our family. Our reasons are personal, not as in I don't want to share, but as in very specific to us. Then we have other reasons. A couple people have assumed it was our "religion." No, of all one hundred reasons, only one might be classified as a religious reason and it was more of a supporting reason than a driving force.
I didn't think we would ever actually homeschool. Then suddenly, there was a shift.
My husband was sitting in our green chair and I was on the floor. I asked him to hear me out on my reasons for wanting to homeschool her. He had his arms crossed and his eyebrows raised, but I had done my research, talked to school teachers, read articles, talked to homeschool parents, and now I just needed to state my case. After the first thing I said, his posture changed dramatically and I knew he was listening. I expected the conversation to become a fight, instead my husband agreed.
The thing is, I wasn't prepared to make that decision, I just wanted to open it up as an option. He had made up his mind, we were going to homeschool. My reasons were legit, my reasons were substantial, my reasons were enough to sway my very rational, calculating husband, but now I was the one to convince. I knew it was a good option, but I was terrified of what this option would bring. I was afraid of judgments from others! I was afraid of Little Miss hating it! I was afraid of all the things she would miss out on. I was afraid of change and all that it brings.
So we prayed about it. It did not take long for us to realize that we were going to try it. Just for one year, and each year we would reassess.
Well, that was well-over six months ago, and I have been homeschooling just slightly over a month. I can say with one hundred percent certainty that I am happy that we are homeschooling her this year. Everyday I feel like we are given confirmation that this is the right option for us. We have her enrolled in a Co-op that allows her to get together with kids her age, learn subjects I'm not as strong on (history/Spanish) and subjects I don't have as many resources for (Science,art) so I can teach the subjects I love (Math - yes I love math, and Language Art, Geography), while getting assistance in other areas. We are part of a homeschooling group that allows us to go on field trips with other kids, get support, have others pray for us. She is gaining confidence in areas where she was losing it. She is building friendships without drama. She laughs more and is moody less. She is learning more subjects in a smaller amount of time and with more thoroughness. She is stretching herself naturally in areas she used to resist, such as spending time with kids younger than herself.
There is the occasional negative things, for instance a comment from this person, a rough start to the day, a bad attitude (mine or hers). Plus we are still in the honeymoon phase, so this love might not always last. The thing is, for this child, this family, this grade level, this time period, homeschooling seems right for us. I might change my mind next year or with our next child or as things change. I will always be reassessing the situation. Right now, this works for us.
Today, I am weak.
I feel tired, I had trouble going to sleep until two last night, my hormones are all wonky due to an ovarian cyst, and pains from the past have come to haunt me.
Yet, somehow, I am amazed at the people around me. They are here to lift me up even when I am undeserving. This has probably been the worst year of my life, yet life is good. God is good.
I know where the term broken hearted comes from, because for almost a year now, I literally can feel the break in my heart. No, no one broke it, life did. I think life has a tendency to do that to everyone from time to time. This was my year for a broken heart.
I have a dull ache that comes and goes, although I know its not physiological. I'm not ill or having a heart attack.
Last night, I found out something that made my heart feel as if it stopped. It wasn't anything to do with me, but of possible pain for people I love. It reminded me how life is so unpredictable. This caused this dull pain to resonate in my chest, and there it has set all day.
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.