I'm working on perspective. I cannot change the circumstances, but I can change my perspective on it. I can choose to remain angry, or I can choose to look at the positives despite the bad. Right now, I am trying to wrap my brain around the fact that my two toddlers will be transitioning home, probably in less than the next six months. It's not a for sure thing, but a likely thing.
The toddlers are a nice distraction since after twelve years of praying, I have become pregnant. Of course things are not going as smoothly as I hoped, with a few scares along the way, but I did get to see the baby move for the first time yesterday. I don't think that I will feel at peace with this pregnancy until a baby is safely in my arms. I am not out of the danger zone, as I am only 9 weeks. Nausea is beginning to subside already, which I hope is a good thing. We had decided to share the news early, because if anything were to have gone badly, we wanted the support.
Honestly, if I didn't have the toddlers, I think this pregnancy would be harder than with them. Yes, I sometimes worry that my constant chasing them is hurting the baby when I have one of my scares and am supposed to be resting, but the baby has shown to be resilient. If they weren't here, I wonder how obsessed I would be with the health of the baby, especially with some of the stuff that has gone on. Instead I often am too busy to stop and worry.
I do believe God has a plan. I'm not sure what that is. And I will feel that way, even if God decides to take this baby home, and my toddlers go home. I don't often understand the why, but I definitely see God's hand at work.
After six years of infertility, she was blessed with the adoption of her oldest daughter who now is a teenager. Six years later, she finally became a mother a second time, this time with a baby through a donated egg and ivf. Throughout that time, she fostered nine babies and toddlers, met wonderful women who helped her grow, and learned to rely on Jesus. She started this blog with the hope that she could share her joy, experience, and willingness to grow with others, whether they battle infertility, toddlers, or teens.