I wish I knew then what I know now. The older I get, the more this crosses my mind. I would have been more patient, more understanding, less judgmental had I realized or known or experienced. It isn't about any one thing, but a myriad of things: parenting, friendships, scripture, education, work, life.
Above all else, I am learning how and when to use my voice. Growing up, I didn't speak and later learned to be open. Then needed to learn when to be quiet. There's value in both and knowing when each is necessary is key.
Truth is I struggle a lot with small things. I have learned we all do in our own ways. I try and I improve. I look to God, mentors, scripture, and books. I use to think I was unique in my insecurities, but now know we all struggle. I struggle making casual friendships. I long to have those friendships that you can just sit next to and chat for the sake of chatting. When I do try, people leave the conversation or the talk goes dead. Then there are others who long for deep friendships, but don't have them. I have those.
The older I get the more I recognize that we all are struggling. We all have insecurities. We are not unique and alone. Yes, there are things I wish I could change about me, but more than anything I have learned that others seldom care where I fall short, they are just hoping to have that person walk alongside them ignoring where they fall short. They want to know they have value, just as I wish to know my own worth.
After six years of infertility, she was blessed with the adoption of her oldest daughter who now is a teenager. Six years later, she finally became a mother a second time, this time with a baby through a donated egg and ivf. Throughout that time, she fostered nine babies and toddlers, met wonderful women who helped her grow, and learned to rely on Jesus. She started this blog with the hope that she could share her joy, experience, and willingness to grow with others, whether they battle infertility, toddlers, or teens.