You know that moment when you feel like your life is overwhelming and you can't get a foothold on it, then something happens that reminds you, life will be okay. So I have had a few good cries over the loss of our embryos. One was to my mom (sorry Mom) she was sweet and bought me flowers. Another was a couple nights ago. Little Miss had gone to bed, tears started welling up and Kevin was away on business, then I got a text.
It was from my guy.
He wrote the line he used on me before he got the guts to ask me out. Just one line, it was silly and a personal joke at the time. That one line made me laugh through my tears. That's how I have made it through my entire life, laughing through the tears. A gift I did not learn until sometime in my adulthood.
Many are probably wondering where we will go from here.
When Little Miss was five, I let her jump in mud, fully clothed and laughed at the joy on her face.
When Little Miss was six, I strolled through the grocery store with her wearing Giselle's wedding dress from Enchanted.
When she was seven, I giggled as she put on a purple and green polka dot shirt, with a pink and brown plaid skirt, and a rainbow zig zag tights. I wish now I would have taken a photo.
When she was eight, everything was pink and sparkly.
When she was nine, nothing was.
Now she is ten. All of the sudden, clothes are the biggest issue in our house.
I always considered myself a relaxed dresser. I prefer pants over dresses. I prefer big bulky sweatshirts over sweaters. I almost always wear flip-flops or tennis shoes. What I did not realize is that I have a lot of opinions about clothes. Opinions that do not coincide with the general public.
In my life I have attempted to accomplish many goals. I have accomplished approximately, 0.1 percent of them. Though despite my great failings, there are many things I am proud of. Here is my top ten list in no particular order.
1. I adopted my daughter.
Although I can only say this is an achievement as much as a mother can say she found success in giving birth to her child, but this was one of my biggest blessings and I am quite proud of it. I am so thankful and happy and wish everyone could understand how great a love you can have for someone else, like you do for a daughter.
2. I have never been drunk... As in never, ever, not once.
I do not have a problem with alcohol, I do not have any moral objections to having an occasional beer, margarita, glass of wine. Yet, for most my life, I assumed if I ever got drunk, I might stay that way. So I decided to abstain completely.
I have to admit, I dread answering this question. I hate when it is asked, I hate talking about, I hate the feeling I'm being judged. Probably the biggest reason for not wanting to answer this question, aside from being judged, is because my reasons are so complex that to give any type of answer would not do it justice. My reasons are more extensive than pretty much any other decision I have ever made.
I will break it down into five reasons. I could go on further than that, but five seems like a good amount without boring people to tears and actually making some of my points.
1. I want to give my daughter better educational opportunities.
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.