Adoption is hard. Very hard actually. There are so many things you must decide, domestic/international, younger/older, sibling group/single child, and they don't want you putting your hands in more than one pot. Once you have decided on a venue, you must keep your eyes there. We chose foster care, so it seems to means that all the other doors are now shut.
We could close our license and do an adoption home study, but then we would not be placed with children through the foster care, and if I'm honest, that is where MY heart truly lies. I want to build my family and I'm only getting older by the minute, but building a family through the foster care system comes with a lot of goodbyes and happens slowly with many heartbreaks along the way.
Don't get me wrong, a lot of blessings as well. We are saying goodbye to our sweet foster daughter after caring for her the better part of six months and I have to admit my heart sings. Not because I'm relieved to say goodbye, but because she gets to go home to her very good mommy and I truly feel that's how it should be. In this case anyway. It looks as though we may be able to be a continuing presence in her life, but I'm not going to put my hope there, as I don't want it to be crushed.
I have to admit, my mind wanders back to in vitro. We can pursue that route all while keeping our license open. Neither is a for sure thing, but no option truly is. We are parents to a wonderful girl, but I'd love for her to have siblings, I would love to have tons and tons of grand-babies when I get old, I'd love to have a household of children. I'm greedy I guess.
So here I am, a week from saying goodbye to our latest foster baby, and I realize I am at a crossroads. Perfect time to close the license and pursue another option, we are financially okay to do that, but I/we don't feel like that is the track we should take. We could do in vitro, but do I really want to bring another child into this world when there are thousands who would love to live in a loving home? Well, in case anyone cares, we made an appointment with a new doctor for in vitro since our latest doctor had to close his practice just one month shy of when we were going to begin doing in vitro the last time. Both of us are unsure if we will proceed. I am praying that God gives us a for sure answer when we meet with the new doctor.
Where will the Lord lead us?
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.