Many well-meaning people, have said many well-meaning things in order to encourage me in my infertility walk. Unfortunately, they are generally lies and can be unintentionally hurtful. I have been told each and every one of these lies. I know the speakers would feel horrible if they knew they had hurt me at the time, because most of them said it in order to give me hope.
As an infertile woman, I still hear these things being said. I am pointing them out now in order to educate people, because I am finally at a place where these no longer hurt me like they used to.
I understand, no one knows what to say to someone who confides in you that they are infertile. We get that. It's kind of like all the dumb things that have come out of my mouth after a family member died, pet died, boyfriend broke-up, etc. We don't know what to say, so we like to stick to platitudes. Well, some of them, just aren't very helpful. Here are a list of things to avoid the next time you hear someone is infertile.
Just relax it will happen.
This is a sentiment I get all the time! Even now, people try to insist that if we just relax about getting pregnant, then it will miraculously happen. Some people I educate about why we don't, others I just smile and nod, and pretend that they are giving sound advice. Truth is, the first year of trying I was relaxed and nothing happened. I hadn't yet shared with anyone. As the year went on, we were still young and I assumed it would happen, so we did start getting anxious and nothing happened. Although, the lack of a pregnancy did not occur, because we were starting to get anxious. It's just not very good advice, and sometimes comes across as ignorant and unkind.
It just takes time.
I was told this after year eight. This was a known fact to the speaker. I informed them why I couldn't get pregnant, and they still insisted that it would happen. It's amazing how many people truly believe I will miraculously get pregnant naturally, no matter how I try to explain my biology, and natural biological functions, and how these two things do not coincide.
If you adopt, you'll relax and get pregnant.
I adopted five years ago, still waiting for that miracle pregnancy to just happen. Ironically, I am still told this to this day. I'm like, why would if we adopt a second time be a more efficient tool to get pregnant than it was the first time we adopted.
Don't do IVF, there are so many babies out there that need a home.
If there really were so many babies out there that needed a home, they couldn't get away with charging $30,000 adoption fees. The truth is their is a bigger demand than there is a supply. Not that I should be referring to supply and demand to adoption, but essentially that is the case. I know several women who would love to adopt, but I know very few babies that need a home.
IVF is just the easy way to get what you want!
IVF is NOT easy! I was told this, because someone felt that I was giving up on adoption to do in vitro, because I wanted the easy way out. Now, there is some truth to that. I do think IVF might be easier in some respects, but overall there is way too much pain and hassle to call this the easy way.
IVF is a sin.
Explain this one to me. If you can prove to me how this is a sin, then I will retract this one, but until then, I see no proof that God has anything against us creating life, because essentially the life will only be created if it is his will.
I know this deviates from my usual uplifting posts, but today I felt like we needed to rant a little!
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.