In three or four months (it might have gotten pushed back a month) we will be doing in vitro. I have been talking with a friend about her own experience with that journey. How, when you have come to a certain point, you kind of expect them to call and say no. Any other answer, just seems wrong. Her final attempt, she became pregnant.
My LASIK eye surgery did not go as planned. I will blog about that after I've decided for sure that I'm happy with the results. This was a huge reminder to me that things for me usually don't go as planned.
I'm not saying this as a self-pity thing, but as the truth. Whether things turn out good or bad, they never go as planned.
Maybe that's how everyone's life is. Things never turn out the way they have planned. I always get nervous when a friend announces a pregnancy before the end of the first trimester, because I have known of way too many miscarriages. I feel myself panic for their gleeful expression and I say a quick prayer that they can remain in that gleeful state of ignorance that life can change in an instant.
When we do announce if I get pregnant, we will do so with trepidation. We decided to tell before the second trimester, in order to get prayers if I am. If we're not, I want to tell people before they ask. Please do not ask about my IVF cycle. I will announce on my blog and remain very open about it. If you have questions, ask me on here or privately in my email. There are some things that are easier to talk about when you know that the other person won't see the tears.
It's not that I don't want to share, because I do. I love blogging and sharing every little detail, but to speak and to write are two very different things. I cannot cry and speak. I have been known to tell a lie, to avoid the downfall of tears. I know it's wrong, but I cannot bring myself to tell the truth when the truth begets tears. I will be updating when we go into appointments and what the appointments say. I cannot guarantee I will update the same day, but it will be updated, when Kevin says it's okay to share. There really is no need to wonder. If you ask me in person, I apologize if I shut you down. It's just not necessarily something I want to verbally talk about until I'm ready to bring it up myself. This includes close friends and family.
I'm beginning to feel the apprehension of hearing that dreaded no. I know there really is no way of changing the outcome. Whatever happens has been planned by God before Adam was created. I just need to trust that God will give me His best, even when His best doesn't look like what I expect it is.
This Christian mom is far from perfect, but continually strives to grow and develop. She is an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and focuses a lot on personal growth. She loves to share what she has learned through her studies and her own failures, as well as walks alongside other mothers as they learn together the ins and outs of parenting.