I am (for the most part) a stay-at-home mom, who works from home. For some reason, people have this assumption that because you choose something for yourself or your family, that you think everyone should be just like you.
The truth is, I don't think every mom should be a stay-at-home mom (nor every woman should be a mom for that matter). I've met women who are wonderful moms, but staying home with their child is either not feasible or not ideal for their family. Some families need the financial help, others have worked hard toward their career and placing it on hold would be detrimental to their professional life, others are single moms, while others have different reasons just as valid.
These women are very involved in their children's rearing, fretting over who should take care of their children, what their education should look like, who their friends are, what will the kids eat, what milestones have they hit, and the list goes on and on. Just because a woman chooses one path over another, does not make her inferior.
On the flip side, stay-at-moms get flack, because people assume they are lazy, incapable, not smart enough, not pulling their weight, and I'm sure there are other reasons as well.
Regardless of what we choose, why do we have to judge our fellow sisters? We should be building each other up, not tearing each other down. We should be encouraging one another, not chastising, criticizing, condemning. Why is there a sense of one way is the right way, therefore, all other ways must be the wrong way? Some people blame old-fashioned expectations, others blame the Bible and their archaic expectations. I say nonsense!
In my quest to see what the Bible truly says about whether women should work in the home or outside to prove my point, I found that Proverbs 31 supports both views. For those who are unfamiliar, Proverbs 31 is often labeled "The Ideal Woman" You won't find its words archaic at all. It supports the working woman and also supports the stay-at-home mom who supports her family by truly taking care of the home. So feel free to read. Note: my commentary is in parentheses.
10 wife of noble character who can find" She is worth far more than rubies. (Somebody you can respect and who is valued.)
Personally, I think our society gets offended too easily. We often take offense, where there is no offense to be taken. We hear a friend say, "I love vegetables," and we instantly feel shamed for loving meat, or someone says, "I'm so glad we had the kids go to such and such a school." We then feel judged because we had our kids go to a different school or <gasp> homeschooled. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others.
A long time ago, I got hurt over something my husband said. Once we discussed it, I realized I misunderstood him. He then said to me, "If I say something, and it can be interpreted two ways, please assume, I meant it the good way." I've tried to live my life with that motto. If a friend doesn't return my call, I choose to assume they are busy, not that they are trying to ignore me. If a friend says, "I like to eat healthy," while I am eating a Krispy Kreme, I assume they are trying to convince themselves that they don't want what I have. Maybe I'm wrong some of the time, but a lot of the time I'm right. Rarely, have I ever been hurt for assuming they meant something good, when they've meant harm. What I will say though is that I have been spared many tears, assuming they didn't mean to offend.
So please, let's stop the mommy wars. When someone says something possibly offensive, choose to ignore. There are as many ways to live life as there are people on this earth. We all have our own experiences, our own values, our own beliefs. More importantly, we-women need one another. We need validation, encouragement, and love. We all are going to make mistakes, but it's much easier to correct them, when we have support. Who knows, maybe when we stop comparing each other, we may just learn from one another.
After six years of infertility, she was blessed with the adoption of her oldest daughter who now is a teenager. Six years later, she finally became a mother a second time, this time with a baby through a donated egg and ivf. Throughout that time, she fostered nine babies and toddlers, met wonderful women who helped her grow, and learned to rely on Jesus. She started this blog with the hope that she could share her joy, experience, and willingness to grow with others, whether they battle infertility, toddlers, or teens.