I adopted a baby (she was five, but my baby nonetheless) and gave birth to a baby, yet infertility does not just go away when you hold that baby in your arms. There is a part of you that is forever changed, because of the struggles to become a mommy. That is why I believe that I am infertile forever.
I wrote my timeline to the right, so I won't rehash every given detail here. What I will say is that my infertility has resulted in some of the biggest blessings in my life and I don't mean just my beautiful girls.
Yes, they are huge blessing and I count them in this list too, but also the growth in me as a person.
Many people choose different ways to combat infertility; adoption through foster care, infant adoption, international adoption, older child adoption, fertility help including medications, IVF, surrogacy, and a million things in between.
Our original quest was through foster care, but God used this way to grow my family not in the way I expected. We did get to adopt my beautiful daughter Emily. She is bright, well spoken, and vivacious. I could not imagine life without her, but our family grew in an unexpected way.
I may not have adopted any of my other foster kids, but I was able to remain in contact with majority of them, and grew close to their mothers and extended family.
The truth is, I always knew I would fall in love with each and every child. That happened. What I did not realize is that I would fall in love, so to speak, with their mothers. I learned that you never can judge someone based on circumstances. I learned that, wanting the best for a child, does not mean that they should be with the family that can provide them with the best things or experiences. The best for a child is to know that they are unconditionally loved by the adults in their life. The more people to love them, the better.
It is for this reason, my daughter's birth mom has become part of our life. She has proven to be a blessing, and although I would not recommend that in every circumstance, I am so glad I contacted her. She has become yet another person to add to my family.
Our infertility journey has not yet ended. Right now, I have four embryos awaiting for their start in life. I do not know if they will grow into infancy or whether God will take them home sooner. I do not even know whether I will be the one to carry them, since my delivery with our daughter did not go well. Yet, I know that no matter what happens, God had it planned all along... and that is my true blessing.
If you too, are experiencing infertility, please do not hesitate to contact me. I have talked to countless women with varying circumstances, and understand that infertility is a unique pain that only those who have been there, truly understand.
If you are doing IVF, click here for a really fun due date calculator. They determine it based on your implantation date!
Our Infertility Timeline
2002 - Married!!!
2004 - I asked my husband if we could start trying.
2005 - We decide to not exactly try to get pregnant, but not not trying to get pregnant either.
2006 (Feb) - Unconfirmed possible miscarriage.
2006 - Became concerned that no surprises happened.
2007 - Began seeing Dr. Daly, fertility specialist.
2008 (March) - Fallopian tubes removed, discovered why I was infertile.
2008 (November) - Cleared for in vitro, we decided to adopt first.
2009 (April) - opened foster care license.
2009 (July) - our daughter moved in with us.
2010 (May) - Adoption Finalized.
2010 - Placed with two foster children, didn't work out.
2011 - Placed with a foster child for a month, went home to mommy.
2012 - Placed with a foster baby for six months, went home to mommy.
2013 - Began in vitro process, yet again, for real this time!
2013 (June) - First IVF attempt scheduled!
2013 (July) - All of our embryos died due to poor egg quality.
2013 - Adopted eggs, all eggs died
2014 (November) - Received a call on a baby girl that would become instantly adoptable, due to dad signing off rights, and mom getting rights terminated. After buying all new stuff for baby and being told where to pick up the baby, I received the call that dad was giving his rights to someone else.
2014 (August) - Placed with two children, one two months, the other two years old, six weeks later they went home to live with parents.
2014 (November) - Received another call for another baby, this time termination was not certain, but we wanted to foster anyway. Baby went home to mom, two months later the baby was put back in to care this time with complete termination and ready to be adopted, but due to conflict of interest we were not able to take the child.
2015 (April) - Used friend's eggs and attempted IVF
2015 (April)- Numbers did not climb as they should, I was not pregnant "enough."
2015 (April) - Someone was chosen for us to become a donor for my eggs. Six became embryos
2015 (April)- Placed with two toddlers, age one and two.
They stayed with us for ten months.
2015 (September) - After we knew toddlers were going back home to mom, although they would be with us for several more months, we decided to implant two embryos.
2015 (October) - We discover one of the embryos took. I spent the next nine months, spotting and sick. Yes, I was one of those that bled a lot through the first trimester. Threw up well into the Second, and was nauseous during the third trimester.
2016 (June) - We had a beautiful baby GIRL!!!